There’s a moment — often in our late 30s — when life feels like it starts to unravel. Maybe it’s slow and quiet, or maybe it’s fast and brutal. A breakup, a layoff, a health scare, a truth you can’t ignore anymore. Whatever shape it takes, it shakes you.
And one of the first things to go? Your confidence. Suddenly you don’t feel capable. You don’t trust your decisions. You wonder if you’ve failed — and maybe, if you still deserve what you once wanted.
It’s disorienting, because confidence is often framed as an outcome — something you “gain” when you’ve succeeded, figured it out, or powered through. But what I’ve learned in these years of rebuilding — and unlearning — is that true confidence doesn’t come after the pivot. It comes before.
It starts within. Or more simply — it starts with you.
Redefining Confidence (And Why It Crumbles First)
Confidence, by definition, is the belief that you can rely on someone or something.
That someone is you.
But when you hit a wall or shift directions in life, that self-reliance can crack.
You start doubting everything — your path, your value, your choices.
But here’s the truth: what happens around you doesn’t define you. Failure doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Disappointment doesn’t mean you made the wrong move.
It’s not about avoiding the fall. It’s about how you return to yourself after it.
And that return is built through consistency, not performance. Through rooted routines, not external validation. You don’t need to become a new person. You need to remember yourself — beneath the noise, the hustle, the survival-mode version of you that got you here.
It’s the Little Things That Help You Rise Again
This isn’t about “fixing your life.” This is about building a relationship with yourself that feels strong enough to carry you forward.
And yes — it starts small.
1. Feeling Good in Your Own Skin
This isn’t about cover-up makeup or high-performance glam. It’s about creating space to care for the vessel that holds you. One of the most grounding things I did when I started to lose touch with myself was taking care of myself to the fullest, meaning getting my skin back to glow, enough sleep, nourish my body with healthy food. I focused on the things I used to love about myself and that would naturally enhance my mood by being more of myself again. A returning, not more hiding. Simple acts of self-love over performing for the outer world.
Below are a few of my skincare favorites:
Skin-care the French way ;) I use Typology skincare, a brand rooted in clean, intentional care. Their products are minimalist, effective, and most importantly — gentle. They remind me that I don’t need to perform to feel good. I just need to show up, daily, with presence.
It’s a small ritual, but it creates space to feel whole again.
My go-to:
Typology’s 9-Ingredient Moisturizer — lightweight and deeply restorative
Typology Radiance Serum with 11% Vitamin C — restore radiance
2. Movement and Walks
Confidence lives in the body. When everything feels mentally scrambled, walking — even aimlessly — helps me get back in touch with what’s real. Not for fitness. For connection. To myself. Overwhelm can be stuck energy in your body and walking helps to get it flowing. It’s a calming act for your body and allows to transmute what needs to move on. Just because most of your challenges exist in your mind doesn’t mean they have to be solved there. Walking allows space for solutions and new thoughts to find you over having to figure it out. It activates flow over force.
3. Space & Stillness
This is underrated. When we lose trust in ourselves, we tend to fill the silence with input: podcasts, scrolling, advice. But confidence grows when you give yourself space to hear yourself again. Stillness is not the absence of activity — it’s the beginning of alignment. Allowing space and rest is not being passive or lack ambition through the storm. Yet being able to sit in stillness through the chaos holds power to notice what actually wants to pass through. There’s no denying and the practice of acceptance comes right with it. Acceptance simply meaning you stop resisting what’s already a fact and done. Doesn’t mean you agree with everything that’s happened. From that place, a new kind of clarity can emerge.
4. Practicing Receivership
This one took me years. I’m still on it. Letting compliments land. Letting rest be enough. Letting someone else offer help without guilt. Receivership is not weakness. It’s an act of sovereignty. And every time I allowed myself to receive — even something as small as a kind gesture — I felt more whole. Not to place power outside of myself for the sake of validation but simply because I’m human and a social being that aims to act out of love over fear and I choose to believe others do the same. We show each other by showing up through kind gesture. Sometimes that’s all it takes. In addition to it’s the practice of feeling deserving. Embody the knowingness that in spite of what might have gone wrong we deserve the good things of life to find us.
5. Reclaiming Inner Authority
In a world that constantly tells us what to do, be, or chase — regaining your inner authority is an act of rebellion. This is your internal compass. The version of confidence that doesn’t ask for proof or applause. It’s quiet, but clear.
It’s not about performing. It’s about choosing for you. That version of you — the one rooted in self-trust — she’s who you rebuild first.
A Final Thought
If you feel like you’ve lost your confidence, start small. Start with what’s closest. Your skin. Your breath. Your morning. Your choice. You don’t need to change everything overnight.
You just need to begin somewhere that reminds you: you’re still here.
And you’re worthy — not just of a new life — but of a softer one. You root yourself first to rise again.
Affiliate Note: I only share brands I genuinely use and love. Typology skincare has become a staple in my personal care ritual — clean, minimal, and a reminder that caring for myself can be simple, not performative. You can explore their collection through the links shared before.
Photo credit: Credit unknown — if you are the creator, please reach out for proper attribution.